my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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