It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
