anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
