My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
