She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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