Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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