I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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