Your mouth is God's brothel.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
