I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This house was built for laser tag.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
