thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
