i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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