So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
