i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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