yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
