dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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