apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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