there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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