I didn't shave. On purpose
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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