you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
