So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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