i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
