you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
pray to the hookup gods
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
