the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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