I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
