Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
