i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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