Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
