I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
