I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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