Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
