And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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