In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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