let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize