you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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