The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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