i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
