the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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