On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I want a musical about memes.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
