She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
