but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
