Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
