too bad you live with your parents still
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
