she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
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