at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
