let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
