So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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