i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
