I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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