My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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