I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
