Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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