On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize