At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
