We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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