Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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