I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize