And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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