so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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