just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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