I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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