Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
