i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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