You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
