I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
