she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
