glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
